HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
