I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
