I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
