my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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