Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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