My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
