her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
