babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
