I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
