Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
