people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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