If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i now understand why vodka
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
