I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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