I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
