chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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