so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
