My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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