Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize