Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
