Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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