she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
