Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
