I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
