Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
