Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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