I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
