I would go down on you faster than GM stock
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
