he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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