WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize