Moan for me like Helen Keller
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
