right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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