Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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