I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
