idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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