could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
