I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
