i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
