I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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