Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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