Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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