If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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