How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
