That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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