i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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