Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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