Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
