apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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