You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
