So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She bit a glass in half.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
