hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
