Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
