After last night, I could never be a politician.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
