Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
