Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize