so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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