Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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