i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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