It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
