K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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