Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
