that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
