Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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