For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
