wakey wakey hands off snakey
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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