my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
