hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
