If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
