in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
