bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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