i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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