How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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