i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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