I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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